And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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