We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
