Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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