Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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