It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
