He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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