real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
