I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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