can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think my vagina is haunted
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize