why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
