I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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