apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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