Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize