So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
