He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
