Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
