so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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