a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
