I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
