Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
