I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
