Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's shark week go big or go home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
