When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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