I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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