I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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