I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
handjob tips. give me some.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
