YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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