Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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