How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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