so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
