as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
