I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
