Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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