My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
