What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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