Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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