I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
