I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
