You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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