I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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