just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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