I am puke
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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