is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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