a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
