i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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