I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
