His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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