I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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