Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
