It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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