And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
