im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
