Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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