She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
