Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its not stalking. its research.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
