I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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