i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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