Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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