..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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