My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
