Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize