is your mom at the bar?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pants are for mortals
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize