Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
