You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
