Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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